INTRODUCTION:
New York is in da m*ther f*ckin’ house, y’all. This time she’s got her own mansion with lots of bright animal prints and a personal assistant/stylist/Guy Friday named Chamo to help her out. Oh yeah – there’s 20 guys vying for her affection and her ‘dramatical’ mama, Sister Patterson, aka Miz Michelle, to help her choose which man gets her goodies. Is it hot in herre, or is it me?
MEET THE MEN:
New York greets the guys and they have sort of a mixer. She and her mama then have them get in line so they can give ‘em nicknames. Below, I’ll give you the nicknames with a little bit about each dude. Here we go, okay?
RICO – a beautiful latino man who says he’s smooth. However, he’s not too bright ‘cuz he calls New York, mi negrita (my little black girl. Sure it’s a term of endearment, but it’s still borderline racist, don’t you think? Well, New York thought so and it almost got his fine @$$ knocked out.)
POOTIE – he wants some Pootie Tang. I think he was the fine gentleman who said when New York entered the room, “Girl, you put the hurt on my penis.” Wow! He’s so romantical, ain’t he? Flav would be proud!
TANGO – he holds his mama dear and he’s a fine hunk of manhood. He’s also sweet and seems respectful of Miz Michelle. She likes him, and so do I.
WOOD – Miz Michelle and New York say he looks familiar. Seems this handsome dude has been on quite a few reality shows. (He was the winner of Mr. Romance on the Oxygen Network!) He’s called ‘wood’ ‘cuz his last name is Ritchwood, people. Don’t be gettin’ the wrong idea now.
WHITEBOY – he’s Scottish-Italian-Romanian-American and seems nice. I don’t think he’s got a snowball’s chance, but… I could be wrong.
12-PACK – this muscular, buff dude is accused of having homosexual tendencies. He lifts his shirt and New York likes what she sees.
HEAT – he’s a good-looking dude who knows it. He wears keys around his neck. His grandpappy gave them to him. He says family is important. Miz Michelle is happy to hear it and New York seems to be feelin’ him too.
T-BONE – New York says he’s a big, greasy boy. He’s burly and wears sunglasses. He also looks a bit older than the other guys. Not Tiff’s type. When the two are alone, he tells her he has beautiful eyes. New York says they’re ‘amazing.’ She’s amazed because one goes one way and one goes the other. Oh man!
JERSEY – he’s a financial adviser from New Jersey. Mama likes his wallet-size.
MR. BOSTON – the boy has some issues. He can’t seem to hold a coherent thought. He’s an accountant, but…he is bored with his job. He is also very, very white and tries to hang with the gangstas. Think White & Nerdy but not nearly as cool! He and CHANCE (see below) almost come to blows during the mixer.
ONIX – New York thinks he’s beautiful and smooth like an onyx stone.
T-WEED – He’s got some crazy hair. He mentions that he earns a lot by selling his ideas to companies. That got Mama’s attention. Although I don’t see it, New York tells the camera that he’s got the ‘whole package.’ Of course, she did find Flavor Flav attractive.
ACE – a tennis pro/coach. He’s very good-lucking, but clean-cut. I don’t think Tiffany is catching his vibe. Too bad. He'd have been at the top of my list.
TRENDZ – he’s got dread-locks. New York says he’s a trendsetter. Her mama wants him to "wrap them things up."
BONES – a skinny, god-fearing dude who might be putting on an act. However, he does quote scripture (Proverbs 27:1) and impresses the hell out of New York’s church-going mama.
T-MONEY – he’s a Georgetown grad who looks like a “watermelon.” He’s got a bright pink shirt and an equally bright green blazer. New York thinks it's a racist statement. I think the poor guy's color-blind and needs Chamo to help him dress better. (Well, maybe Chamo wouldn't help him out that much. Chamo is awfully flashy himself!)
REAL – he tells New York he’s in the industry, but he’s already made it and not looking to ride her coattails. How could he? She’s riding Flav’s coattails, right? He’s got a bro in the competition. Overall, Real is real and seems to genuinely be there to get to know New York. I’m not sure if I like him or feel terribly sad for him.
CHANCE – Real’s brother. He’s a live wire. He’s actually the New York of the competition. He’s brassy, sassy and pisses off Miz Michelle before the end of the night. New York wants him bad ‘cuz he’s a thug. He also ‘drinks a lot’ which Tiff likes. He almost gets into a fight with Mr. Boston too.
TOKEN – I’m not sure why he’s called Token, but he is one of the few white guys in the bunch.
ROMANCE – he tells New York he’s Cupid, the Romanian love god. Well, take a letter away and add a few to that cupid, my friends, and you get what he really is – STUPID. Maybe it’s the hair gel. He wears more than the Gotti boys did which is scary. He also shows New York a picture of his dead dog, Princess, and says he’ll treat her like a princess. However, I'm not sure I'd want to be around a man who keeps comparing me to his dead dog.
Where’s the psycho-meter? That’s all I wonder.
PARTY TIME:
New York then invites the boyz to a party outside. There’s alcohol which is reality TV drama potion, isn’t it? She also plans to have some one-on-one time with each dude. Chance tries to monopolize her time, but Mr. Boston steps to him. Actually this impresses New York. Chance aggravates everyone but New York who is ‘feelin’ the hell outta him.’ Her mama wants him gone tonight. Five guys are going, but New York does not want to send him home. 12-Pack jumps into the pool and shows New York his stuff. Some of the guys bore her, and I wonder what she’s really looking for. Is it love, reality TV fame or a fling? Oh well, do I really care? Do I need to care to watch anyway? I’m not sure.
WHO GETS SENT HOME:
In the end, T-Bone, Ace, Jersey, T-Money and Wood are told they’re “not good enough for New York.” Maybe they’ve dodged a bullet. T-Bone was too ugly, I suppose. Ace, Jersey and T-Money were too stable or successful I suppose and Wood, well, New York felt he was there for TV and not for her. I don’t think he’s the only guy there for that, but we’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?
Will we?
Awww, c’mon, you know we will. C’ya next week.
