Paris wept in the second-to-last episode of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF on Star! The camera zoomed in as her crocodile tears spangled her perfectly made-up face. It wasn’t the lowest point of what is likely the worst reality show on TV but it came close. She had just sent two of the remaining four contestants packing and apparently the ordeal pricked her heart.
An Admission
This reviewer is addicted to the show and needs a weekly fix as much as she needs Lindt chocolate bars. The show is catty, ridiculous, predictable, embarrassing in its depiction of the human race, and absolutely addictive.
Song and Dance
Paris Hilton’s My New BFF has the worst theme song and opening montage not to mention the oddest elimination ceremony with Paris perched on a throne with tacky decorative elements on a mansion rooftop overlooking Los Angeles. The girls stand in crescent formation around her waiting for her to wave her wand and say solemnly “TTYN”. (Text language for Talk To You Never.)
Challenges are mostly degrading and the girls who are thinnest and most vacuous and fawn over Paris’ every breath have fared well.
Hilton herself lacks charisma and appears as a pretty trinket in a revolving door of lovely dresses, gowns, shoes, and various levels of atrocious jewellery. She narrates each episode lounging in a velvet chaise with and without her Barbie-doll blonde extensions.
Now, on the eve of the finale (airs Tuesday, December 2 on Star! in Canada), with the contestants whittled from 20 to just two, the pressure is intense. Well, not really.
Seacrest, Out!
Ryan Seacrest surprised everyone by actually asking salient questions of the remaining Top 4 contestants. He uncovered that “Whore-e” Corrie had no future plans apart from wanting to stay attractive; that Brittany wants to pursue a singing career and this should set off alarms for Paris; that virginal Shelley might not be able to survive in a town like L.A.; and he said he got a “stalker” vibe from Alaskan born Vanessa. (After Sarah Palin it’s clear we should all fear young, ambitious Alaskan females.)
Candidate We Miss The Most
Kayley Gable, the granddaughter of Clark Gable (Gone with the Wind) looked like a drag queen, partied like a Las Vegas hooker, and yet managed to look like a warm, loyal companion. Oh wait, I’m describing the next-door neighbour’s Labrador retriever.
Prediction
Paris will probably pick “crazy eyes” Vanessa but she should pick Brittany. Seacrest told Paris he he felt like he was on The Bachelor as Vanessa gushed on and on about how beautiful Paris is and how they made “a connection” right away. Sure Brittany wants to become a rock star but since when is having ambitious, marginally intelligent friends a crime?
Finally, the only reality in this reality show is that Paris’ New BFF will be more of a pet or minion than a BFF. But even that honour will only last for a millisecond before the heiress, who has the attention span of a fruit fly, will move on to another well-paying, high-profile project and partying with her peers i.e. people who actually have money and didn’t compete for Paris’ affections in a derivative, artificial, awkward TV program.
The season finale of Paris Hilton's My New BFF airs on Star! on December 2.
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